Final Monsters Fucking

I learned something doing this oil and the last sex themed oil. The painting can look better not being over burdened with lines and squiggles. I love the lines and squiggles in many abstract paintings and in Basquiet paintings. But I'm no master of lines and squiggles. As this painting emerged I realized that the black background would not be filled with flashes of gold or other colors creating an aura around the figures. I really do like making figures with auras. But in this case auras would have interfered with the action and the presence of the figures. It would have been like distracting noise. There is this thin line that you can fall off of, added energy or distracting noise.

This painting was dry enough to photograph but still wet to touch. I would like very much to add a layer of varnish to make the black gleam and the colors pop. I've never varnished a painting before. It would be good to start experimenting with these little 5" x 7". My father puts retouch varnish on his which can be applied two weeks after the painting is dry. I have to call him and ask questions or do an internet search for information. I'd like to know what brand he uses.

Dad wanted to buy the little Mermaid and Sailor. I said he could buy it on the condition that he hangs it somewhere. I told him I don't want it put in a drawer. That is where he used to keep some drawings I gave him. Over time I've sneakily retreaved all work that had been given to him as gifts because he has no interest displaying any of them in his home. One oil painting my brother found discarded face down on a concrete basement floor. I figure that the Mermaid and Sailor is different because be is paying for it. Maybe having bought it, he will respect it.

Final Monsters

Finished this today. The wet, black paint glistens. There are two different colors of black. You can't see some of the transparent paint in the photograph. For such an explicit subject of sex, I tried to be delicate with the paint. I don't know what to think of this. It is quite different from anything I've ever done in oil. This is definitely me trying to be adventurous. I with I had some artist friends to critique it.

Disaster

I got an email from friend commenting that the purple dress in "No Place for Tears" overwhelmed the painting. He went as far as to photoshop my dress and turn it into a lighter color. I gave his suggestion weight because when the painting was planned I intended that the dress be white. The purple was only an under-painting that would later peek through lace-like flourishes of white.

So yesterday I started adding the uppermost layer of transparent white to my dress. I had the dress half finished when I called my husband in to take a look. We both agreed that the dress had become too busy with pattern. The painting overall suffered. So I began to wipe the white paint off. To help it come off I liberally added Turpenoid to painting's surface. First I noticed that my rag had picked up purple paint. Then I realized that while the dress had been dry to touch, the Turpenoid was so corrosive, or the oil paint takes such a long time to fully dry, that the surface of the dress lost color. In spots almost you could see all the way down to the white primer. Disaster!

It has been the a horrid, boring task to repaint the purple dress. The time spent on repainting takes me away from my other creative projects, paintings where everything that is happening is new and exciting. I am so finished with "No Place With Tears" that I don't even want to look at it anymore.

A lesson to learn. Turpenoid will take off more than one layer of paint. And it is possible to over paint a painting. It takes delicate timing to know when to stop. Because if you go to far it can be difficult, if not impossible, to reverse a painting back to its original look.

No Place For Tears

This is the final artwork. It measures 18" x 24" and is done in oil paint.

Drawing

I did this from a photograph in a book. My work for the day. The two small sex themed paintings are too wet to work on, so for the next several days I will be drawing. I'm trying to plan a large painting, 20" x 24". "No Place for Tears" is drying on my one and only table easel. The only thing left to do with it is try to decide whether to sign it on the front or on the back. Once it is in a frame I'll make the decision. This weekend my husband will go into the barn and try to reassemble my favorite upright art easel. We took it apart to mount it on the wall, I tried standing and painting against a wall for a time. Now I am crossing my fingers that all the little nuts and bolts and wooden pieces were saved in one spot together.

Goya, "Saturn Devouring His Children"

Monsters Fucking

These are both plans for small panels, 5" x 7".

It was hard painting today. Felt suicidal. There was a knife sitting on the kitchen counter. I walk by. Think about cutting myself. I don't touch the knife. Keep on walking. Wish the thought would go away.

I may owe over $1,000 in therapy bills. My husband said no honey, it is closer to $2,000. Got my first bill several days ago. It was for a session in June. My first session in June. They are billing me in November for June. I've been going once a week. Since I got no bills, assumed that medical insurance paid for everything.

My husband said that therapy is not supposed to make you feel suicidal. I said, why aren't you mad at me? Matthew would have been mad at me. My husband says this is a blip in the road. One year from now it won't even matter. Don't cry, its not your fault.

It has been so long since I've felt suicidal. Stopped the Prozac and I felt fine. Well, can't function as well socially, who cares. I liked life. Happily obsessed every day over my painting. Who knows, maybe therapy helped keep me stable.

It's a good thing my brother made me get rid of the gun. I can imagine shooting a painting. I have a place to store my art if it looks like I am going to destroy it. Eva Shelby's house. There is a line I don't want to cross.