These are both plans for small panels, 5" x 7".It was hard painting today. Felt suicidal. There was a knife sitting on the kitchen counter. I walk by. Think about cutting myself. I don't touch the knife. Keep on walking. Wish the thought would go away.
I may owe over $1,000 in therapy bills. My husband said no honey, it is closer to $2,000. Got my first bill several days ago. It was for a session in June. My first session in June. They are billing me in November for June. I've been going once a week. Since I got no bills, assumed that medical insurance paid for everything.
My husband said that therapy is not supposed to make you feel suicidal. I said, why aren't you mad at me? Matthew would have been mad at me. My husband says this is a blip in the road. One year from now it won't even matter. Don't cry, its not your fault.
It has been so long since I've felt suicidal. Stopped the Prozac and I felt fine. Well, can't function as well socially, who cares. I liked life. Happily obsessed every day over my painting. Who knows, maybe therapy helped keep me stable.
It's a good thing my brother made me get rid of the gun. I can imagine shooting a painting. I have a place to store my art if it looks like I am going to destroy it. Eva Shelby's house. There is a line I don't want to cross.
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