Thursday, January 29, 2009

Fear the Dentist

Went to the dentist today. Learned about gum disease. That is why you lose teeth, the gums rot and then the bone rots away. I thought you lost teeth because of cavities. Apparently I brush well, little or no tarter build up. But I haven't been flossing. I go back in 6 months to the same woman, and I promised, that my gums would be in better shape.

It was no little thing, visiting the dentist. She put her instruments in my mouth and my heart started pounding. I hate listening to the steel scrape against my teeth and I tense waiting for flairs of pain. I believe that the woman working on my mouth, had she found a cavity, would have stuck a probe inside it. She wasn't delicate. She scraped and then asked, "did that hurt?" Luckily it didn't. She looked at my medication and asked what it was for. I said a psychiatric condition. This is better than answering a schizophrenic disorder. She lost my x-rays on her computer. She swore that she had saved them and that they were somewhere, only, she isn't so good using a computer. The x-rays were to know whether or not I had a cavity in-between my teeth. I wonder if they will ever find those x-rays.

I got the half scholarship to the River Gallery School of Art. My favorite teacher called me to let me know and it was so good hearing her voice. I had told her that I was leaving school to write a vampire novel, and she remembered what I had said. She said that she had been thinking about me when she got my letter. I don't know what to make of such a statement, I don't think that I'm someone to wonder about. But neither do I think that she is a liar. What I remember about her is her garnet necklace that she wore with all her clothing. And I remember her husband who attended our class for a little while. He had an air about him that was very happy and young, like my own husband. And I remember thinking how satisfying it was to know that two good people had found each other, the partnership seemed sound, and wasn't it a mystery, that he could spend time in art class in the middle of the day in the middle of the week. I decided that he had invented a type of energy efficient light bulb, and that the profits of his invention gave them both a moderately comfortable life-style. The beautiful farm house that they live in was inherited. If any of this is true I do not know. I am not one to daydream about others, I am too busy dwelling on my own nightmares.

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