My husband said it was because of the way the man was standing in front of the frozen vegetables. A few minutes later my husband pointed out the man to me after he had moved. We were checking the eggs to make sure none of them were broken and he was down the isle picking out ice cream. He had thick, round glasses and clothing that was unremarkable. I remember he was wearing a cream colored trench coat, not stylishly cut, just serviceable. He could have been an accountant. He could have been a school teacher. But my husband noticed him when, in front of the frozen vegetables, he put his hand to his open mouth and held it there, an unconscious gesture, pondering his choice. He looked, said my husband, very vulnerable. And it was at that moment that my husband was overwhelmed with love for this man. He wished he could hug him.
And at that visit to the grocery store there would be another man who my husband fell in love with. In front of us in the check out line was an old man. My husband noticed his hands. The skin on them was very wrinkled and they were trembling. My husband wished that he could seize one of these hands and hold it still. But of course because he was in control, and because he was not too crazy, he did nothing.
"I think" said my husband today, "that I am entering an ecstatic phase." I thought about how things are going with him at work. He has not, as we call it in my household, "had his pee-pee whacked" by his boss recently. This means he has not done anything wrong and no one has disciplined him. There was a meeting where it was emphasized that all audits must be done in two month's time or else there would be horrible consequences, and this means he will have to guard his time jealously and not let anyone else's agenda distract him from getting those audits done on time. My husband knows that in the near future there are going to be people who he says to "no, I can not do what you ask because I have an audit to prepare". And my husband does have the most difficult time saying no. But he has dealt with the audit process before, and I do not think, that the stress of knowing he has audits to do is making him fall in love with random men. Something internal to my husband is causing him to experience ecstasy, in the form of love toward strangers, and there is no recognizable cause and effect trigger. I have not been demanding my death recently, his daughter is fine, his family still loves him because they are still ignorant that he is no longer Christian, his comic book work goes along swimmingly, and nothing has caused us sudden debt. Worries have not caused him to crack.
Selfishly I hope that his ecstasy shall strike again when he is looking at me.